What kinda gone are we talkin about here...?

I heard the door slam
And I couldn't tell
Was it just the wind
Or was she mad again
Ah hell she's gettin' in her car
I hallard baby is there somethin' wrong
Thought I heard her say something
Sounded like I'm gone
But these days gone can mean so many things

Well there's gone for good and there's good and gone
Then there's gone with the long before it
I wish she'd been just a little more clear
Theres gone for the day and gone for the night
Gone for the rest of your dog-gone life
Is it whiskey night or just a couple of beers
I mean what kinda gone are we talkin' 'bout here

Well its gettin' dark out she ain't back yet
Ain't called home
Turned off the phone
Ah man this mighta not be good
Would have stopped her when she went to leave
But I didn't 'cause I didn't really think what I'm thinkin' now
Still not sure what gone is all about

Cause there's gone for good
And there's good and gone
And theres gone with the long before it
I wish she'd been just a little more clear
Well there's gone for the day and gone for the night
And gone for the rest of your dog-gone life
Is it whiskey night or just a couple of beers
I mean what kinda gone are we talkin' 'bout here

Is it the kinda gone she's at her moms' coolin' down she'll come around
Or the kind that says you had your chance she ain't comin' back

Well there's gone for good
And there's good and gone
And theres gone with the long before it
I wish she'd been just a little more clear
Well there's gone for the day and gone for the night
And gone for the rest of your dog-gone life
Is it whiskey night or just a couple of beers
I mean what kinda gone are we talkin' 'bout what kinda gone are we talkin' 'bout
What kinda gone are we talkin' 'bout here
What kinda gone

My best friend Is leaving me for the next two years.. I don't know how I'm going to survive without him there.. He knows so much and he actually cares about me and wants me to be as happy as I can.. And lemme just tell you that it is going to be one of the hardest things that i'll ever have to do. I don't know how to deal with change very well.. I might just break down and cry my eyes out.. I love this man..(he ain't a boy anymore). No one understands me like he does.. Good luck Morgan. <3

On a happy note Josh comes home in 20 days!!! My little brother will be home for 2 weeks and then will be leaving me again.. When will someone actually care enough to stay with me forever and ever?? Sorry I just can't do this.. This post is to hard for me to write today.. I'll fix it later and I'll add more when I'm not bawling my eyes out.. <3

Life as I know it...

Struggles... Trying to find who I really am... Learning my "purpose" in life... Trying to please others while keeping my self happy... Learning more about me every single day... Missing loved ones.. missing special occasions... Learning from my mistakes... Making new friends... Making memories.. I am a fan! (: I always thought that living on my own would be nothing but trouble and everything would crash and burn.. But it's looking up for the better... At least for now. I hope that it stays this way.. (; I've met so many people out here.. But the family that has "Adopted" me has deffinately been the Ogdens! Nikki is awesome! And Michael is super funny and he always has something new to tease me about everytime I see him. Bug and I have been besties... Past the point. Brooklyn and Steven and Bug all refer to me as their sister! I love it(: it's my home away from home(: I don't really have anything else to say at the current moment so toodles (:

Friends and Family and Fake Family Members :)

I am so blessed!! I have everything that I could ever want with my friends and family :) I have a wonderful dad and an amazing mom and 14 siblings who all love me!! I have amazing friends who are there behind me 100% haha well some of the time and they also love me!!! I have amazing fake older brothers and younger sisters!!!! Justin is the BEST older brother EVER!!!!!! he's always checking in on me(even though he lives in Idaho) and hes just so cool i honestly wish that he could really be my bigg brother .. Oh well I guess this is it for tonight!!!! <3's :D

First Day of School!!! First Day of School!!!

Ian's first day of first grade!!! And it's only a half day which is kinda lame but it's okay I guess... Looking back on my many "first days of school" and I remember the routines very well.. 2 years later. (wow has it really been 2 years?! Holy moly!) haha anyways it's great! For the Westland Stake we had a Labor Day/ Back to School picnic yesterday and it was so much fun!!!!!! I learned a couple of things.. 1. Bring out Oreos and the missionaries will take the pack and eat them WHILE playing football! 2. Guys really do have a hard time guessing how old you are because they think that the shorter you are the younger you are.. Which is really hard cuz the boys are almost all taller than me lol. 3. The missionaries are so funny... Like all the time!! 4. Brother Dalton is the ultimate Ninja!!! He's super legit!! And best for last #5. The Rabout's are so super cool and they are my new favorite family out here lol!! They are fantastic and they ate the second part of this blog!! :) PaRt TwO!!!!!!!!~*~*~*~* Okay so part 2 of this blog!! So, I have good news and bad news. Bad news, Devin left for idaho yesterday and texted me when he got into Utah and was telling me that he was closer to my family than I was and it was kinda sad but it's okay I got over that very fast but I still havent grasped that he's gone.. Really gone. :'( okay and the good news is that the Rabout's are super awesome and make me laugh all the time!! And I was so proud of myself cuz I got all of their names down and in order! Ready? Jason, Kyra, Korryn, Jeremy, Joel, Jo-Jo, (and then the twins) Jordan, and Jessie (he has a beginning of a rat tIl) haha :) I was super proud of myself!! And Jason is on his Mission and he left like 3 months ago lol so not that long :) haha :) so they quote all movies and they all sing.. Last night we all were like "i believe" and then all started to sing " Ima Believer!" and it was fantastic :) haha anyways that's my life right now!!!! I gotta go now!! But loves ya :) <3 me xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

71...... Or somewhere around there :D

Well... As I look all around all it is is just numbers.. And the only numbers that I have added up are the 15 weeks that I have left until I come home for christmas and the 56 days I've been out here working :) this is so exciting :) I love counting these numbers haha but normal numbers I don't like to "crunch" haha. Where did that expression even come from? "Crunching Numbers" hahah I don't even know!! Haha it's different for sure. Hairspray is on TV and Ian loves dancing to all the songs and his dancing consists of jumping and spinning in circles!! And it's cute :) and he really likes Link Larkin but shh! Dont tell him I said anything :D well that's all for now Loves <3 xoxoxoxo me

2 Months Later..

So, 2 months later I am still here!!! Things are finally coming together... I have the BEST family ward out here and I still have the best job! things are really coming together.. I'm actually starting to feel like I'm fitting in here.. I really like it :) I have met so many great people like the Beauchamps (Jessica and Sister Beauchamp mainly), the bishopric, the Shultz, and I can't forget the coolest people in the WORLD the Missionaries!!!( Elder Hoffman and Elder Bowler, however Elder Bowler went back to Arizona so now we have Elder Smith [hopefully he'll talk some more, we just have to break him in ;)]) life is really fitting together... Like a puzzle :) :) I'm pretty sure I like that analogy :) :) I just got this quote off of the T V Show, Good Luck Charlie, and yes I know I'm an idiot and no one has to tell me thAt cuz I already know it :) so save your breath ;) so here we go :)

"getting in that car means that you'll leave..."
"getting in that car means that I'm leaving but I'll alwAys drive back:)"

I love this quote anyways loves <3 me

Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday!

Once upon a time... Don't these words mean so much?? I've Always dreamed of my 'once upon a time'where it starts where it will end and the ups and the downs, yes it will not be a dramatic as a Dragon guarding a tower and the knight in shining armor coming to rescue me and sweep me off my feet.. I mean I have my own dragons that the right guy at the right time will come And "save" me from my "dragons" and I just need to be paitent for my knight to come and rescue me. I want my happily ever after and I would like to find someone soon that I know is right for me and that I could potentially marry in the temple for time and all eternity! And then I will be able to start my own family!! I look forward to thAt day!! :) for now I need to learn paitence and ibneed to wait for mr right :) this is one of many random posts! Haha xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
<3 me

You're Not Alone...

You know the poem 'Footprints in the Sand'? I've been thinking a ton about that lately! Ive been feeling really alone and scared(a little) and that's the one of the only things I can really think about that has helped me to relax! Everytime I'm afraid I know that the Lord is with me and is carrying me every step of the way until I can stand on my own two feet again. And that's one of the hardest things to do, getting back up on two feet. There are days when I wish that I'm back in kindergarten wanting to never grow up without a care in the world. But since that can't happen I know I have to keep growing up and lemme just say that 19 is just weird. Paying bills, living across the country, trying to find myself while not being able to date because the guys out here aren't members of the church so I can't really "find love" while working. So as a newly single woman... I am very bored and I'm starting to believe that I will never "find love" well atleast for the next 3 years I won't. That's right I said three. I've been asked/invited to stay out here working for 3 years until Chloe is 5 she's turning 3 in Selye ever so we'll see. I really want to live out here with my family(in the future I mean). It would be the best thing ever!!! I LOVE the people out here they are really truly amazing!! :) well that's all I have to say for now!!! OH!! Today I picked Chloe up from nursery and her teacher said that she volunteered to say the prayer and she said it for the first time in nursery and Ian told me that HE also said the prayer tor the first time in HIS class as well!!!! I was SUPER proud of them both!! Well now THIS is all I have to say! Loves! Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox <3 me

What's done is well... Done.

It's sad to think that after 4 months of dating one person you would get somewhere.... Not always the case. I finally broke up with the guy I had been "dating" (if you could even call it that) and I feel relief but at the same time I feel guilt, sad, lonely, happy, and any other emotion you might be able to feel with this "break up". I'm not quite sure how I should really feel yet but I'm mainly just confused I guess. Not much I can really feel is there? I'm not sure about it anymore... Heck I'm not sure about life anymore!!! I'm not sure how much more I can handle physically and mentally. I know that in all I do that the Lord provides and that He works In Mysterious ways. Sometimes I am very patient but then there are times where I can't wait any longer... Hmmm! I think that I'm actually learning something from myself here.. Weirdness

How To...

okay.. so i mean it's not THIS brutal.. but it is stinkin hard! and im not sure how to do it and how to handle it... i'm datin this guy who lives on the other side of the country and he works.. a ton! he's gone for long periods of time and i never know if i'll get to hear from him again.. its kindof really hard and im not really sure how to handle it.. so i've decided that the best thing for me is if he and i split. so ive tried talking to him and bringing up things that i struggle with and things that i dont really like about him that he does to me.. so, what does he do? he isnt going to give up that easily.. and this  is the first time he's actually going to fight for me and not going to let me go. when i  was in PA i broke up with him and i ended up calling him back 2 weeks later and asking him if we could try again... mistake #1. now im stuck in this "pickle" so to speak and i dont know how to get out... now he's leaving for work and i dont get to talk to (or skype) him for 3 months... and i dont want to be "left out" for 3 months of the time we could be talking or skyping... no bueno. so now... i need to tell him that i wanna break up.. and i need to tell him in a way so that i dont hurt his feelings.. and i need to do it soon.. but i dont know how soon.. as soon as he gets home? or soon like  before he leaves soon?!?!?!?!?!

                                                       HELP MEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! </3

4 days later...

okay, i wish the sunsets were this pretty here!! haha but they are BEAUTIFUL!
so, ive been in Florida for 4 days now and i've seen real live crabs, sea horses, puffer-fish, DOLPHINS, lots of birds, lots of mosquitoes, and lots of fish! haha i've swam in the Gulf of Mexico, and the ocean and the water feels like bath water. and i wish that every water could feel THAT good! haha its amazing. i love florida. im not having very epic days, nothing to really blog about but i have been sunburned multiple times in the same spots and ive been swimming everyday....multiple times a day and i love it!! :) :) i dont really know how to describe it! but i think its off to swimming now :) x's and o's :) <3 me

. . .what to write?

i'm at a loss of words for this post.




I've had MULTIPLE missionary opportunities. . . . not living in Utah and being on my own and all... its fantastic!! :) one on the plane to Florida... and 3 with the family i work for... Mom says i should consider serving a mission.. i have to years to decide and commit. but i have to start somewhere and change myself now and my goals. . . well first i have to make some goals.. =/ whoops.  I'm really jealous that all my  friends right now are in a serious relationship, engaged, and/or married... im not really a fann..... =[ but i guess that that is life... right?? oh well. i dont know what else to write.. maybe something will hit me sometime soon?? hopefully.

Birthday Cake anyone??

Okay, so next Sunday (not tomorrow but in 7 days) is Ian's 6th birthday.. we are going to have cake here and then we fly to Florida the next day.. :) (super crazy!) and we are going to have birthday cake again!! its kinda crazy if you ask me. but i cant complain.. i had 2 birthday cakes for my birthday so.. im just sayin :D haha but anyways! I've been here now for 3 weeks now and it's been SUPER!! :) :) :) i dont really have much to say this week.. there maybe more in the next :) loves <3

sWiM... sWiM... aNd MoRe SwIm :) :)

 So today I decided to Blogg from Swimm Lessons!! Haha Ian is getting so much better!! The first day we came he threw a HUUGGGEEE fit and didn’t want to go. And me being the “meanest nanny ever” put him in the pool.. no questions asked. I had him stay in the pool for more than half of the actual lesson as he’s kicking the water and screaming and crying. Mary took Chloe to the park that’s nearby, once she left Ian was fine. He was participating and was being a good sport. After swim lessons were over he looked at me and at Mary and said, “I like swim lessons… I wanna go AGAIN!!!” it’s a good thing too because… he has lessons this week and next week too. Haha its great!! I am getting along so well here!! Well at least I think I am. I don’t really click with people but I think that I am doing okay with this one. I miss being home especially now when my dad is gone for the week and the kids are not listening and are treating my sweet mother so poorly. I hate it when that happens but there isn’t much that I can do about it here. So yesterday when we were at swim.. I had Ian and Chloe and Chloe and I were sitting in the shade watching Ian swim and watching Dora and there was a dear sweet lady sitting next to me and she asked me how I was related to these two kids and I told her I was the nanny and she was all like “oh my gosh! They look just like you!! You cant be the nanny!! And youre so beautiful!!” HAHAHAHAHAHA!! She came up to me today and she goes, “wanna know who you remind me of??” and I was like, “ sure.. who do I look like??” and she looks at me and goes, “Katy Perry!! Especially with your sunglasses… J and with your hair in those braids!! Super cute!!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!! I was laughing super hard!! Okay well.. im gunna go now cuz its super hott!! Much love!!! <3

10 dAyS!!!

Well! I dont know how many people know but I have made it to day 10 and im pretty sure im staying for now!! haha. I was fired from Pennsylvania after 10 days of working there. This is HUGE!!! They have already offered me to stay for longer then a year.. at a year i'll see where i am. We've been SUPER busy  this week with swim lessons and school and working all the time!! it is absolutly insane and im so glad that i do not have a family of my own right now like i wanted it to. my plann was to graduate from high school and get married and start a family.. i now nannyy for a 2 year old and a 5 year old and im really greatful that i have this oppertunity to learn how to be a mother now with these kids and not with my own as i make mistakes and cant fix them with my family but with this one its just a learning experience. :) :) i love it!! :)

BiRtHdAy / FiRsT pOsT :D

July 21st 1992 at 12:13am in Huntsville, Alabama, Madison County. 19 years ago I was  born to a Loving Mother and Father. John and Cayce Thill became parents for the first time.. Little did they know, this would change their lives for forever! Now it is 2011 and it is my 19th birthday! I have had CRAZY past 19 years :) as a first Birthday out of the State of Utah I got to go out to a Mexican Resturant called El Rancho in Detroit and then we went to my FIRST EVER Detroit Tigers' Baseball game in the NEW Tigers' Stadium. I got to go with Edie and Jim and Ian. Ive been in Michigan for almost a complete week now nannying for some of the cutest kids EVER!! The Family that I nanny for is the sweetest family and they are just so loving, and welcoming and I honestly feel like I'm back at home with my Mom and Dad. I miss them so so so much! but there isn't much that i can really do about that but I'm trying to make the best of what I have = D Well, I think that this is a good start to my postings :) Hopefully they'll get better!! and this is my first post.. so we'll see how well this works out ;)